Mid-life questions: Can you ever leave your hairdresser?

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Sitting at lunch with a couple of Grande Dames from the fashion industry, I casually brought up the subject of hairdressers, explaining that I was keen to write a post about how women of our age have often formed a water-tight bond with their hairdressers. Leaving your long term hairdresser, even if it means updating and improving our look, is very difficult, I have a friend who reckons if she had to chose, she'd leave her husband before her hairdresser.

Sure enough, it turned out to be a hot topic. Angela has been with André for 15 years and now has her husband going to him. Leaving him (André that is) 'would never happen' she said,  because he keeps her looking fabulous by making her update her look regularly (she does always have fabulous hair). 

Brenda is still pining for Charles Worthington, who she says is the nicest person in the world and used to be her hairdresser when he and she were young unknowns. He has now become stratospherically successful and expensive and Brenda likens losing him to being abandoned by a lover, "You feel bereft and rejected" she says, and she is still looking for the brilliance of that original first cut.

I love my hairdresser, who is local and practically has a 'lock down' on his appointment book of adoring clients, who know to book months in advance for important dates. My hair appointments are more about therapy and gossip than hair and his interest in fashion means I often learn stuff while being groomed. I can't ever imagine leaving him.

TWR reader Dinah has recently left hers and emailed to say "I wore a hat every time I went out after I’d been unfaithful to Gianluca (her fabulous but expensive hairdresser). Then I took the coward’s way out and told him via a Christmas card that it wasn’t him, it was me ... I have been going to him for over ten years and I always felt great after he’d done my hair – but considerably poorer. I justified the spending, figuring it was cheaper than therapy or botox. But then the last time I went to him I came out looking like a cross between Emma Thompson and Lynne from Neighbours. I wanted something a bit more edgy and a lot more cheap, so I booked in at Vidal Sassoon Academy, had my hair cut by a young Japanese student for £12 and was thrilled."

My sister mailed to say "Leaving a hairdresser would be like dumping a boyfriend, only worse. I’m not sure I have the guts. Very embarrassing ’it’s not you, it’s me’ kind of thing (clearly a theme here ladies...ed). I’d certainly have to lie, telling her I was moving to Outer Mongolia and then never leaving the house without a full wig and beard disguise."

"Funnily enough I had a conversation about this with my hairdresser- who comes to my home- how's that for intimacy-  the last time I saw him" said Lorna when I mailed her with the distracting question. "Sometimes, he says, you have to 'break up' because  a new hairdresser can achieve an improvement by virtue of not knowing you - ie the closeness  of a long relationship with a client can often be a barrier to that radical rethink which to your old hairdresser is a risk. I think we hate doing it because we fear the consequences and know we are in danger of falling victim to 'the grass is always greener' syndrome.  We also know that if it doesn't work we will probably spend an enormous amount of time searching for just what we turned our backs on."

Lorna does point out that the comparisons with leaving a lover are inevitable because it's all tied up with our self image inside and out. What we forget is that to most hairdressers it's not a relationship, it's just business. "If you were to make a mistake and ask to come back" she said "unlike an ex- they'd be only too happy to have you."

One thing hairdressers could learn to do is improve their conversational skills. Globe trotting Zelfa has the perfect excuse for moving on when she's fed up with her current hairdresser, she says she's out of the country, but she raises an interesting point, "I'm fed up with small talk" she said, "I want to talk politics or about something interesting, at our age we've moved through talking about the weather." 

Do you have a close relationship with your hairdresser? If you have left, what did you say? 

Comments

[Joan Hunter Dunn]

I've been with my hairdresser for over 10 years and have travelled from West London, and now South East London, to Clapham to go there. I was forced to go somewhere else when he badly broke his arm - but was most pleased to scurry back into his skilful hands. I shall only leave if I, or he, moves out of London,

[Lilac]

I've been with my lovely hairdresser since 2003, I can't see myself ever leaving her, she is good, comes to me, and like all good hairdressers, always booked up. I look forward to her visits, the thought of having to find someone to replace her is too hideous to contemplate.

Hairdressers. What a curiously old fashioned word.

[Becky]

What an interesting topic. In my part of the world this is a real non-issue. Hairdressers like other expats, move on all the time. No-one is willing to get attached to a certain hairdresser because we all know that they will leave in the end. Those that don't tend to be the stuck in the mud type who have been here in the back of beyonds so long they are terrified to move back to the real world and have lost all touch with a decent haircut.

Having said that - I have found the best hairdresser I have ever had here - the only one that has given my curly hair something other than a bob cut - thank god - I am so over the curly bob ! I'll be gutted when she leaves, but I know either she will or I will, so I'll find someone else that'll do the job.

Another thing - cost - I am horrified at how much some of my friends in the UK spend on hair - many spend in the hundreds of pounds to look amazingly fabulous - full colour and cut here costs me no more than 40 pounds and that is the way I like it - they don't try to push products on me - 'cause we don't really have any here and the hairdressers talk about the same nonsense we all do - other expats !!!! It's perfect really !

[amanda]

Hairdressers is an old fashioned word isn't it? Should I have used hair STYLIST instead? And the cost issue is MAJOR, the balance is to feel good about yourself after you have left the salon (studio?/creative space?) and not guilty cos you've paid too much. Tricky. Ax

[jill]

I am a self confessed hairdressing 'tart'! (similar to the credit card tarts but more glam!). I have found a natural boredom sets in after a year of so and visits seem more maintainance than fun. Some stylists do seem to look at you and decide you suit a certain style and even though this may be great, it isn't very exciting.
My current Cambridge hairdressers is full of bright young things under the watchful eye of a lovely lady stylist (my hairdresser) and they welcome both my eldest daughter and myself with open arms, they fit double appointments for us, ply us with plenty of drinks, magazines and even charge up our dead mobile phones! Not cheap, I admit, although they do offer a sliding discount card for regulars. The trick is to learn from them and not go too often. My daughters very thick hair is down to her waist and it sometimes takes 3 hours to wash trim and blow dry!
We have decided that the trip to the hairdressers needs to be an enjoyable and happy experience, whilst taking into account that we will of course come out looking fabulous. Hair grows, styles change and worrying about losing a 'good' hairdresser is pointless. The best leave for the high life and others go the baby route. Keep moving thats the answer, and what do I ask for Madam? Well thats always the same, 10 years younger please...

[amanda]

A Ten Years Younger please! Love it. asking for one of those next time.....Ax

[Ann]

My mum was with hers for 30 years, as her hairdresser knew her so well, how her hair fell, how she liked it. My mum would travel an hour into London for her therapy/hair apt, every 6 weeks. The only reason she's changed is that my mum has chronic fatigue, and can't cope with the journey. I wish I had a hairdresser so good!

[jane]

My mum the same Ann, one of my earliest memories was going to hairdressers with my mum. It was the most glamorous place in Glasgow and Mr Teasy Weasy (cant remember his real name but I know it was Mr something!) was camper than Dick Emery - but we didnt know what camp was in those days.

J x

[Fashionistable]

I would love to see someone else's vision for my hair. Our hairdresser is now also a friend and I would feel like I was being disloyal. I used to hair model for Sassoon when I was a student and your mention of the academy has me all a flutter. Xxxx

[Susan]

My hairdresser had been cutting my hair for 30 years from long to short, through thick to thinning and I trusted her completely. I cant imagine being able to say "just do whatever you feel like" and not worrying about it to anyone else. When she moved to Italy I joked about going there for haircuts but this is what I now do albeit only twice a year. I'm not rich but to me its worth it. S

[Erin_t@mac.com]

Good topic! I was with the same hair man for over 10 years, but then he left me by moving to Canada! Naturally I couldn't follow him which was in the hair wilderness for about a year. It was awful, I felt misunderstood and had unhappy hair.
But then I discovered a local hair guru, just 5 mins from my home, they are my age(ish) and it was like coming home. I have to admit they give me better hair than my Canadian hair guru. I am hair happy again. But I wouldn't want to repeat the hair wilderness year.