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I have just finished Nora Ephron's I Remember Nothing, and close to the end, she comments that "Looking back, it seems to me that I was clueless until I was about fifty years old". This rang true with me, I feel there are many things I've only just got the hang of, and being older DOES have benefits, one of which is knowing stuff. I thought it might be good to highlight a few things that are good about being a bit older.
You can say NO to parties. When you're in your 20s and 30s, you go to everything assuming if you are not there something amazing will happen and you will miss out. It rarely does, which you only learn with age. The sofa, telly, the fire and a glass of wine at home wins every time.
And no to dinner parties. it always seems such a nice idea to be invited/invite others, but rarely is. As your host does a 'my-life-is-better-than-everyone-elses-and-my-children-have-just-got-into-Oxford' entrance with the Heston-style main course, in your heart you wish you were at home watching Strictly. We know who our friends are now, they know we can cook and we all prefer the pub anyway.
You know Tweezerman are the best tweezers, no question.
We forget stuff and it's fine. We have been around a long time and we have learnt a great deal, there's a HUGE amount in our brains so of course we're going to forget things sometimes, there's a lot to sift through. Younger people don't have so much in their heads so can't help but remember more quickly.
You know the best things in life are the small ones. My moments of pure joy come from watching my son concentrate on mending his beloved bike, opening the back door on a sunny morning, all sitting down for supper together, laughing on the phone with my sister, holding my husband's hand while watching Spring Watch, doing 'half moon' in yoga on a Tuesday and not falling over. You learn with age that the best things in life are rarely the ones that cost the most money or have been hyped to the hills (that SO goes for New Year's Eve).
Knowing it'll be alright in the end. I'm talking about the little stuff here. Not everything works out, but when you are worrying about whether your children will be damaged forever because they don't eat vegetables, or if your teenager will ever understand the word 'tidy' or 'revision', age teaches you that mostly, everything will be ok. Although, of course, we still worry.....
You understand you are not 17, or will be again. Instead you acknowledge that although your head still thinks you are a good 15 years younger than you are, nothing can actually reverse the ageing process. Yes you can still look fabulous, but not by looking younger, just by looking good. People who learn this one save themselves a fortune on surgery. Patti Smith ROCKS and she doesn't even wear make up.
Understanding tired. When you are younger you sometimes have days when everything seems to go wrong, you get weepy and cross and you stomp about thinking the world has it in for you. When you get older, you realise it's because you are tired.
(The same could also be said of the Moon cycle thingy.....)
You realise you don't have to buy everything you like the look of. This has taken me a long time to learn but now I know it, I am so much happier. Just because it's lovely, be it clothes, furniture or junky things in flea markets, it doesn't mean you have to own it. Also...
There's always another dress around the corner. Age teaches you that there is no point fretting about NOT being able to buy a dress/whatever, for whatever reason, as there is always another lovely one coming up soonish. There is no shortage of nice product in this world.
(The same can also be said of this month's super food, don't worry if you're not eating goji berries, there'll be another miracle food along shortly).
You learn all that matters is your health, friends and family. You are not going to go to your grave wishing you'd spent more time on that report/worksheet/powerpoint presentation/feature, which only really becomes clear when you get older and time gets shorter. Age gives you a bit of perspective on this, you usually FULLY learn this when someone you love dies on you early.
Tea cures most problems. There are still some sceptics on this, but as you get older, you learn that a cup of tea will ease the pain of most things, particularly if it is served with a digestive biscuit.
Do you have anything you have learnt with age?
What a fabulous post - you are so right on every count - I am a big one for saying no to going out - I do it all the time - people may think me unsociable - I think so what - I'd rather be at home on the sofa watching Damages knowing that my two small boys are tucked up safe and sound upstairs and I'm there if they need me - also if I can throw in a bar of chocolate all the better !
What I have also learned is that it doesn't matter if you don't get invited to everything that is going on - it's nice to be asked but most often I'll say no anyway !!!
Posted by: Becky | January 30, 2011 at 09:12 AM
Listen more to your inner voice and be guided by it - it is right far more frequently than it is wrong.
You've come this far - celebrate that!
Posted by: Kathleen | January 30, 2011 at 11:20 AM
Totally agree! Thankyou for making me feel less of an antisocial freak! My teenage children are off and about partying and can't understand why their grumpy old mother doesnt want to do the same!
I remember the competitive 80's dinner parties and fussing all day on a Saturday to 'impress'...Nightmare! My new mug has the inscription 'Happiness is a cup of tea and a magazine' and you know, it truely is!
I also have finally grown into being able to enjoy tea in the National Trust without being ridiculed for being a fogey! Visiting such places were my guilty pleasure when I was younger, and I finally fit in - although I notice lots of younger people and families enjoying the buildings, artwork and cream teas now - perhaps I was too hard on myself!
Posted by: jill | January 30, 2011 at 12:28 PM
I love this post, so true on all counts. I must link back to it, should do a 'fabulous posts round-up' as I keep saving things like this which I love and want to share. I did something like this a while ago, though not as good as yours:
http://pennydreadfulvintage.blogspot.com/2010/10/thoughts-on-growing-up.html
Posted by: Penny Dreadful Vintage | January 30, 2011 at 04:42 PM
Golden nuggets of truth. You feel as if you are growing into your true character. It was always there, but now it's a stronger, more distilled version of your younger self. Less of it to go round, so used sparingly. Deeeep!
Posted by: Lilac | January 30, 2011 at 05:50 PM
Lovely answers ladies, keep 'em coming (loved your post too PD!) Ax
Posted by: amanda | January 30, 2011 at 08:35 PM
Your work is not your life, your work "family" is not your real family, and you were looking for a job when you got this one.
Posted by: ellen | January 30, 2011 at 09:57 PM
After 50, it feels good to confidently sit in a cafe on your own/go for a walk on your own, and not fear that others may judge you a 'billy-no-mates'.
Posted by: potterjotter | January 31, 2011 at 12:37 AM
I was thinking the same thing the other day when walking the dog and avoiding bumping into I knew. Sometime its nicer to be on your own with your thoughts.
J x
Posted by: jane | January 31, 2011 at 07:02 AM
Confidence has got to be one of the big advantages of getting older, hasn't it? Having the confidence to do so much more than when you were younger.
Ellen I LOVE your comment about work, that is SO true.
Any more? this is turing into a great list. Ax
Posted by: amanda | January 31, 2011 at 08:18 AM
Love your thoughts on the 'competitive' dinner party scenario...I have been part of this for a few years and its really not worth the stress! Have now taken a step back from this and its quite a relief. We also we have some show-off type 'friends' constantly telling us about how brilliant their children are and its really quite tiring. Realise now that its so much nicer to have a laugh at the pub, or maybe a takeaway with mates, but no pressure! Thanks for your post..it made me laugh and it rung so true. Hope you will be adding to it X
Posted by: Emma | January 31, 2011 at 09:33 AM
Great comment Emma, yes I think we'll keep adding to it and then send stressed out readers back to it regularly as a 'get a grip' check! Ax
Posted by: amanda | January 31, 2011 at 03:31 PM
here's to Tea - I remember in Vera Drake - when she said "Right then dear, first thing we've got to do is put the kettle on"
tea does make it all a little easier!
Posted by: Whitney | February 04, 2011 at 04:06 PM
What a wonderful post, especially about the nights out - same people, same place you arent missing anything! x
Posted by: Pearl Westwood | February 04, 2011 at 05:35 PM
Fantastic post! Very well said, thank you xx
Posted by: Christina Lindsay | February 05, 2011 at 10:55 AM
I'm catching your post about a week after my 40th birthday. THANK YOU for the perspective!
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