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Ok I admit it, I have a problem, a serious addiction and try as I might, I can't give it up.
Every morning I say 'today I am not going to do it, I won't be sucked in, I WILL be strong', and before I know it, I have done it, I have clicked on the home page and there I am, scrolling down the side column of shame. If you haven't already guessed (and I'm sure lots of you have!) I am of course referring to *whispers it* the Daily Mail website.
I am a Hackney dwelling, labour voting liberal who reads the Guardian, a proud feminist and supporter of women's rights, I am accepting of other cultures and sexuality and would never ever buy a right wing newspaper. Yet every day despite their hideous underlying (and often very obvious) racist, sexist and xenophobic (and other kind of 'ist' and 'phobic' you care to mention) I just cant resist logging on to read the celebrity gossip side column - sometimes more than once - as it updates several times a day.
I know its wrong and I don't like myself for it, and I have even got the rest of the family doing it. Good God, even MAD and teen son can wax lyrical at the dinner table, about how the cast of TOWIE were hanging out with Peter Andre and Nicola McLean at the Mayfair Hotel last night. Now that is wrong!
Often it's difficult in conversation not to let slip where you got your latest tit bit of sleb gossip from without coming clean about your addiction. But more often that not, unless the person you are talking to is either very very high brow, or has had a celebrity gossip/nosiness gene bypass (therefore is a tiny bit dull), they will know exactly what you are talking about. It seems this is not just my addiction, it's becoming a national epidemic, with the whole country logging on over a sandwich at lunchtime - and don't pretend you're not, cos I've seen you!
Of course once you have logged on and scrolled down, comes the next stage in the addiction, the rage. Usually, I am straight onto Twitter to rant about how many women they have called 'curvy', or the latest outrageous thing Liz Jones has said. The comments on the posts are very indicative of the way the readers have changed over time. When I first began reading, a couple of years ago (yes, thanks Mark!) the comments were very obviously from DM readers agreeing with the 'How come a scrounging obese, single mother of five, gets a council house and £2000 a week in benefits', type features. Now they are all from people like me, who have logged on to wind themselves up and feel compelled to put the right wingers of Britain straight. Personally, I find there is no better cure for PMT than a rant in the comments section of a particularly controversial topic.
This week Jane Fonda has been winding me up - not personally - as she lives in LA - but the posts about how fabulous she looks. Not that she doesn't look great, of course she does, but she is unnaturally thin for a woman her age and has admitted to a life long struggle with eating disorders, and quite frankly no-one wants their grandma to look better than them. As for Marie Helvins distorted face, don't even get me started.
The worst thing is no one makes me read it, I know I can step away at any time and get on with my otherwise mostly productive life, but I just can't. In years to come I think rehab is going to be full of people with modern day addictions such as online shopping, Facebook, Twitter, Call of Duty etc etc. But imagine the shame in group therapy, when I have to stand up and say, 'Hello, my names Jane and I'm addicted to the Daily Mail, side column!
I don't normally leave a comment but I just had to this time ... I could've written this, word for word. So recognisable!! Hilarious!
Only I got so disgusted with myself that I blocked the Mail site altogether and went cold turkey ... Aaaahhhh the bliss!
Posted by: Susanna | May 21, 2011 at 09:11 AM
Me too - word for shaming word is mine. We call the DM the Daily Misogynist, yet still I read it!
On the subject of Marie Helvin; for years this beautiful woman has almost hectored on the subject of natural beauty - the power of diet, exercise, and 'soap and water'. I saw Marie once, 14 years ago. She was tall, slim and utterly beautiful. I read a quote (probably on your blog!) that said people who have had 'procedures' never look more intelligent... So true.
The DM taps into a need for us all to compare and share our views, fat vs thin, A list vs Z list and 'natural' vs assisted beauty.
Blocking is great idea - I'll get half an hour a day back!
Posted by: Lilac | May 21, 2011 at 10:04 AM
Yes Lilac that quote was from Grayson Perry's wife and never a truer word was said.
Love the Daily Misogynist, we also call it the Daily Hate.
Not sure if I could go cold turkey though Susanna, but well done.
Jx
Posted by: jane | May 21, 2011 at 11:05 AM
I share your guilty secret also...but just love my DM coffee break each day, and am not ready to give it up quite yet!
Posted by: Emma | May 21, 2011 at 11:48 AM
Here is a an edited version of a hilarious email we received today.......
"On reading your post this morning I was struck with a shared shame that is so profound that I cannot bear to write this on your comments page but feel driven to ‘ come out’...
Every morning as I start my high powered ( Ha Ha!) vocation ( it has to be called that so they can pay us the pittance they laughingly call a living wage) as an English teacher, Special Needs Teacher and Child Protection Officer ( no that does not mean 3 wages...just 1/3 of a normal wage to do 3 jobs – clever accounting eh?) in a boy’s school do I log on to the site offering me advice as to how to make sure’ Every Child Matters’, the site that keeps me at the cutting edge of world affairs, goddammit even the site that tells me when Toast has a sale!
No, the Daily Mail is my, oh so guilty, pleasure. I scan the right hand column like a middle aged woman possessed. I know more about Amy (TOWIE), Kerry, and Katie than I do about some of my own rellies...possibly I care about them more too but that’s to do with some of the weird rellies I have.
My feminist and socialist credentials are loud and proud in front of classes of braying 15 year old boys. My personal shame is only deepened by the fact that I am the ‘right on’ mother to 3 daughters all who work in telly/film/drama and Lucy, my eldest, even lives off Broadway Market where we all buy overpriced rustic loaves at 3 times the price of Lidl!
The new obsession that dares not speak its name is indeed the DM gossip snippets. I have followed Courtney’s clothing disasters with a zeal, La Fonda’s hands follow me in my dreams and Claudia and Renee’s bony shoulders and backs are a source of constant musing ( and what is Madame Schiffer doing with the eyeliner?! My 19 year old does that look! Walk away from the Mac Black woman!)
Well that’s over...I’d like to say I feel better sharing but It’s to go no further! Hell, I had less trouble coming out as gay 15 years ago than I have to admitting this fetish!
Now I’m off to make a banner for my girlfriend’s school fete, write a report for a severely dyslexia youngster, help my middle girl with a film/TV promo job she has to do and lots of other worthy tasks. Hell I might even buy myself something from People Tree online!
But never doubt that I will keenly follow the sam cam Vs michelle fashion punch up (the good money’s on Michelle – those biceps/that height, the girl can surely pack a punch? And wearing Thakoon takes us back to the September Issue when we all fell in love with him!) on the DM right hand snippets of shame site!"
Posted by: jane | May 21, 2011 at 12:59 PM
O.K, as you've led the charge, I too will step out of the DM online closet.
I moved to the USA last year and my best pal buggered off to Australia.
Us desperate housewives both start the morning with a DM fix to see what middle England/Liz Jones/Janet Street Porter are flapping their moustaches about.
It's hilarious and we both snigger like schoolgirls at the indignation of some of the articles.
I may be of the Welsh Birkenstock wearing, Socialist persuasion but I am guilty as charged.
Love your blog!
Posted by: MsTaffYank | May 21, 2011 at 06:58 PM
Shhhhh don't tell anyone but I clear my browsing history everytime I read it.
Posted by: Jane | May 23, 2011 at 03:11 PM